Elimination Communication: Little Bear's Story

As mentioned in the previous post on Elimination Communication (EC), I started working with Little Bear when she was about 6 weeks old. Everything I read said you can start right from birth, but I was so overwhelmed with becoming a new mother I didn't feel ready to add EC to the mix. So right around 1 1/2 months we decided to get serious. I had noticed that upon waking I would go to check her diaper - only to have her actually begin peeing with the diaper open. As soon as I would see her begin to pee, I would begin to make a pssssssss sound close to her ear. I noticed a very similar pattern after eating. Usually within 10 minutes of breast-feeding, Little Bear would fuss due to a wet diaper. Then another 10 minutes would go by, and another wet diaper would appear!

This is the beginning of EC training: learning your baby's patterns and cues. To make it easier for me, I actually undiapered Little Bear for several days, simply laying her on a cloth diaper (cloth diapering is a MUST if using EC as it alerts the baby immediately when they have wetted). This helped me to better learn the subtle cues she would give off right before peeing. It wasn't always an easy process. We had (and still have) a lot of "misses" (wet diapers). But slowly, over a period of days and weeks, I noticed progress. Immediately upon awakening I would hold Little Bear over her potty (she was so small at that point that I would simply hold her legs in a squatting position over the Baby Bjorn). I would make a psssssss sound and, more often that not, she would pee! Similarly, about 10 minutes after eating I would offer her the potty as well. Sometimes it would take 30-60 seconds of holding Little Bear over the potty for her to finally go. At first I could count the number of successes each day: "We had 4 pees in the potty today!" Most days now, I count the number of misses!

There are two points I must make on EC. First of all, we still have "good" and "bad" days. A lot of this, I believe, is simply related to whether or not I am really listening to Little Bear. Some days I am more focused on other things and less tuned in to her needs. She fusses, and I ignore her. Inevitably, she wets herself (I still use cloth diapers on her because of this). Other days, I am very focused on her and offer her the potty immediately when she fusses. Those days, she uses the potty. So having a "good" or "bad" day, I believe, is more related to how tuned in the caregiver is to their baby. Second, don't get overly attached to the outcomes! I found myself (a type-A personality to begin with) falling into this trap the first few weeks. I would get frustrated that sometimes an entire day would go by with only one (or zero!) successful pees. This only frustrates you as a parent, which your baby immediately picks up on. Some days Little Bear would scream and cry when I'd try to put her on the potty, but I was insistent and would keep at it. I'm not sure this was the best technique. Now I try to be more lenient with her. If I am pretty sure she has to go (first thing in the AM) but she arches her back and cries - I usually calmly talk to her and make her sit longer. If I'm just offering her the potty because I think it's time, I don't make her stay on it when she is upset. I'm trying to use my mother's intuition more and more.

With all that set, she is not as consistent as I thought she might be. Sometimes I will take her to the potty and she is sitting in a SOAKED diaper, with no complaints! When she is playing and laughing a lot, she won't bother to tell us that she had to pee, either.

We've also started giving a sign with our hands while she is peeing. Supposedly this will help her to communicate her need to use the potty when she is not yet verbal. We'll see!

All in all, I am VERY happy to be using EC with Little Bear. It is not for everyone. It is also more work in some ways. It is definitely more work than simply tossing away a disposable diaper several times a day. Yet it is SO rewarding to know that Little Bear and I are communicating. You can almost see the sigh of relief from Little Bear when I "get" her cue and take her directly to the potty. I feel like she is saying, "Thank you! I really didn't want to pee on myself!"