Learning that Sometimes ... Life Hurts

Even at a very young age, Little Bear is learning that life isn't always fair and that sometimes it just plain hurts! The lessons at this age are simple ones: being forced into the car seat when she'd rather stay in my arms, toppling over while seated and bonking her head on the floor, waving a toy in the air - only to have it, also, bonk her on the head (that one actually just happened while I was writing this intro.).

As a mother, hearing that wail that I've come to know as Little Bear's "I'm unhappy and hurting" cry always takes my breath away, even if just for a moment. It must be physiological and instinctual, something ingrained deep inside a mother's being. It's that "mother bear" in all of us, ready and willing to protect our child - no matter the consequences. Learning to set that instinct aside when appropriate isn't always easy.

When Little Bear topples over and bonks her head on the floor, my first instinct is to scoop her up and comfort her. And sometimes, after a really hard fall, this is exactly what she needs. But most times, what she really needs is simply some reassurance that everything is okay. And this can be done with a simple look from me ... with a smile and calm eyes, rather than a look of panic. Often I will simply set her back upright and say, "You're okay." I find myself saying this a lot lately as Little Bear tests her physical strength more and more each day.

It's a great responsibility, being in charge of life lessons for another little human being as she grows and learns. It's a wonderful privilege, too. We want Little Bear to understand that in order to grow and succeed, risks must be taken (wanting that toy just out of reach might mean toppling over!) ... and that sometimes she'll get hurt along the way (it doesn't feel good at all to fall on your face, either as an infant or as an adult). But we also want Little Bear to know that getting hurt doesn't mean she should stop ... and it doesn't mean that someone is always going to be there to comfort her (though sometimes, of course, we will). Hopefully Little Bear will learn that life isn't always fair, that it sometimes hurts, and that that is okay. Sometimes she simply has to learn patience and acceptance (sorry, kid, you have to stay in the car seat another 15 minutes), and other times she will master what she set out to do (it took her 3 tries, but she finally grabbed that green ball she wanted). Learning when to let go and when to keep at it is a life lesson we all could use more work on.

The world can be a big and scary and wonderful place, filled with unexpected pot-holes, difficult lessons, pain. hurt, and beautiful surprises. Preparing Little Bear for this big world can seem a daunting and impossible task at times. But then I see the little lessons she is learning each day, and I am comforted, knowing she will be ready ... in time ... to step into that big and wonderful (though sometimes painful) world.

To Work or Not to Work, THAT Is the Question ...

I am over-educated. Or, at least, it seems like it ... at times. I have undergraduate degrees in English, Spanish, and nursing. I also have a graduate degree in English education. I spent the majority of my 20's either in college, applying for college, or graduating from college. I guess you could say it was an addiction. Looking back on it now, I think perhaps school was (for me) a time filler. I wasn't sure what I was doing with my life ... and so I kept on studying. And studying. And studying. And so, with those degrees, I've had a variety of jobs ... everything from teaching high school to working nights as a nurse at a hospital to fighting fires with the Forest Service to pouring coffees as a barista. It came as a surprise to me, then, that after the birth of my daughter in July 2010 ... all I wanted to do was to "be a mom." And that's where things get complicated in our culture.

What it means to "be a mom" any more can mean any number of things. There are single moms that work 2 jobs while raising kids. There are moms that stay home while their partner works. There are moms that work part-time, moms that work full-time. Sometimes children go to childcare. Sometimes they stay home with dad, or another family member. We live in a society that really doesn't have any steadfast "rules" around working and mothering ... which leaves the decision completely up to us. This, I believe, is a good thing. And yet ...

During my pregnancy I thought I would definitely want to work part-time as a nurse. After Little Bear was born, I got confused. I felt I should want to work part-time. I felt I should help contribute financially. I felt I should be using all that education I spent so much time and money on. So why didn't I want to work? And should I want to? These questions can only be answered by each individual mother. I must be honest, I've struggled with the idea that perhaps I am one of those moms that just wants to stay home (and has a spouse that supports me in that decision)! My mother stayed home with us. And I LOVE staying home with Little Bear. Of course there are moments each day when I think, "I need a break!" But when I weigh the alternative (being away from her at work), I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be with her morning, afternoon, and night.

I am grateful that 1) I am married to an amazing man that supports my decision to work or not work, and 2) we have made financial decisions that are allowing us to live off of one income (his). To even have the choice to work or not to work is something that many mothers have never experienced. I am very, very blessed to have this freedom. And yet, as a college-educated woman of the 21st-century, I still can't shake that feeling that I am somehow "letting down" someone (I still can't quite figure out who that "someone" is). I feel like, perhaps, I am not doing enough. Or that I'm "wasting" a "good education." I hope I'm not. I hope that everything I learned as a teacher and nurse will enable me to be an amazing mother and wife.

Perhaps I will find something that I can do out of the house. Perhaps I can take up writing again (outside of a blog post every now and then). Until then, I am slowly growing more accustomed to the idea of being a stay-at-home mom. And I am slowly, ever so slowly, growing proud of it.